Tuesday, September 23, 2008

New Baby!!!

No, no, no, not me! My friend Brynn had her little boy on Saturday. I am so happy for her. It seems like an eternity when you are preggers and then bam all over, and you have this little person attached to your heart for the rest of your life. It is an amazing feeling, scary mostly but full of love and tears. Birth stories are so interesting, if you don't know yours you should ask yo mama.

Monro... March 6th 10lbs 12oz 23.5 inches
I was so stupid when I was pregnant with Monro. I was only 19 when I got pregnant and 20 when I had him. I didn't have a whole lot of support around to tell me how to take care of myself. The midwives were not concerned with how huge I was getting until it was too late and I was 187lbs and almost ready to deliver. I got preeclampsia, which is high blood pressure and headaches a whole host of other uncomfortable things, so I had to be on bed rest for the remaining two months of my pregnancy. It wasn't all day, just five hours out of the day. I had to lay on my left side to get my pressure down and I had to check it all the time. Gah. I was so huge. I only had three shirts that fit me and two pairs of pants. I had to wash them out by hand, because we didn't have a washing machine.

On the fourth of March my water broke while at Liberty Park. We went over to my ex's parents house and called the midwives. We went up to the hospital and confirmed it. It wasn't like in the movies when everything just bursts, it was a slow leak, ugh, I know. The nurses wanted me to stay at the hospital, but I hadn't eaten anything since seven that morning and you can't eat once you are officially admitted. We left the hospital and went for burritos! In the middle of eating my contractions started. This is a very weird pain. It isn't in your stomach muscles, it is much deeper and wraps around all the way into your back and radiates into your legs. I experienced this pain for a good 33 hours then I gave in and had an epidural. Monro wasn't moving, with each contraction he would come up and then go back into the same spot. I was so stubborn and wanted to have a natural birth, but I was tired from all the contractions the staff thought I wouldn't have the strength to push once it came time. I never got to that time unfortunately.

Once I got the epidural my vitals started to tank and I was going in and out of consciousness. My kidneys were shutting down and my legs were filling up with fluid, the skin stretched and split so fast. I stopped breathing and was rushed in to surgery to have a c-section. Within minutes Monro was out and I was breathing on my own. He was able to see me right away. I remember the first thing I said was, "He is here, I can't believe he is here!" It took a long ass time to get him there and I was so out of it during his delivery, all that time seemed to melt away. He was so cute and HUGE that is why he wasn't moving into the birth canal. He had dark hair, blue eyes and looked just like me! I became a grown up at that moment and realized this was the best job I would ever have, being a mom.

Joaquin... March 14th 7lbs 14.5oz 20 inches
Joaquin was a much better pregnancy compared to Monro. The only thing with him was the first three months, I was so sick. I barfed all the time. I had to quit my job at Akasha and work from home. I was terrified that I would loose it in a session with a client. But after those first few months were over I felt pretty good. Except at about seven months I developed a heart murmur, but that is pretty common and went away after I delivered. With Joaquin I knew how to be pregnant. I ate right, I did pregger lady yoga and played my monster music everyday. He loved Cat Stevens and The Beatles of course. I loved sharing my pregnancy with Monro, he was so proud and excited. Everyone, literally everyone he talked to he told them I was pregnant. It was funny. He drew on my belly, he talked to his brother and told him all about his kindergarten adventures. It was cute.

Since I had such a scary delivery with Monro I wanted to just schedule a c-section. I know it isn't popular and whatever, but when you almost die the first time you have a baby, it makes you sort of gun shy. He came so much easier. I had to be put out cold because I my spinal shunt. The only bad thing with Joaquin was there was some mix up with who was going to be our nurse and it took forever to see my little guy, like two hours! My first words when I woke up was, "He is blond?" I thought that since I picked the name Joaquin, he would be a dark little Mexican baby, but no. Blond and blue eyed, and he looked just like his daddy. Monro came a few hours later to meet his little brother. He was so excited and nice. He brought me a cow, we named Gracie. It was such a better time frankly. I was so in love with Camden and proud of him for taking care of all of us. He was and is an excellent parenting partner.

Our first meeting...

And this makes you a Daddy...

Elodie Love... May 11th 7lbs 12oz 20 inches
My best pregnancy considering. She was so good. I only got sick once, but the stress in my life at the time was a bit ridiculous. I have wondered if that stress contributed to her tumor. I think maybe that is just my guilty mother's heart. When I was about 16 weeks along I began to bleed a little. I went into the doctor and she said that she thought it was due to stress and I needed to take it easy. My grandmother was dying, my mother was constantly calling me for help, Joaquin was still a little baby, Cam had some bad business deals that would go away, and we were trying to get my custody of Monro. It was a horrible time, but through out all of that I had to have a lot of ultrasounds and got to keep close tabs on my baby. At 16 weeks we found out she was a girl and it was amazing! I never thought I would have a girl. I am a good boy mom and didn't have a great example of mother daughter bond. I didn't think I could do it. So I got a book and realized a lot about myself and what went wrong with my relationship with my mother. It has helped me be such a better mom, all that self examination.

So my girl was the same with Joaquin, scheduled c-section. This time didn't go as smoothly as it should have. She got too much of my anesthesia. She needed oxygen, she was breathing shallowly. Cam came in to tell me when I was waking, "She is being naughty and not breathing." I was terrified. I knew that she was going to be my last baby and that couldn't live with out her. I told Cam to not worry about me to stay right by her side and tell her to be good and breathe. He was so worried about whether or not I would be okay. I wrapped my hands together tight and placed them under my chin and prayed to Elodie. "You have to breathe little one, you have to try really hard and you have to be here for me." She stabilized and was sent to the NICU. I met her there later that night when I could walk. She was laying on a red heart blanket and looked like a little Valentine. I just kept kissing her and saying, "I got my girl!" I was so proud and have been ever since. I am so lucky to have these little kids to hang out with all the time. They are my best friends!

Little Valentine!

Best friends


Ramanda said...

What a beautiful post! What an amazing gift you are to your children! You are so tender and loving the way you talk about them and their journeys here!

I hope you don't mind if I borrow this idea.

Bella said...

i love this post! your kids are so incredibly blessed to have you as their mom! i'm sure you feel you are just as blessed to have them as your children!

Cadie said...

Aaaaah, feel the love! You are such a wonderful mommy!