Sunday, January 4, 2009

Step back in the Evolution, Step forward for Mom Kind...

I just finished playing my show and I couldn't sleep or even calm down from what transpired there tonight. I had to write to get a sense of peace within me. Usually this wild energy is a good thing; more glasses are raised, hugs are given, happiness is abounding, but tonight was sorely not the case.

We rocked it! It was a great show. There were tons of people there, a lot of which I had been hoping to see for a long time. The crowd was into it and totally dancing and every thing. We finished and I get off stage to hug my Jennifer, and I hear that a girl was pointing out my stretch marks to people while I was tearing the roof off the dive. (I wore a black tank, with a sparkly silver cardigan over it, so while dancing my tank would creep up a bit to show my stretch marks like a half an inch at the most) "WHAT?!?" Was my first response and then, "Oh hell no..." came next.

I was possessed by such anger and disgust. There was no way in my mind I was going to let a person walk out of that bar thinking that they could totally down play everything I had just done on that stage, just because I carried and gave birth to three beautiful kids. I found the girl and promptly said, "Hey, heard you were pointing my stretch marks out to your friends while I was singing. Yeah, I have three {expletive} kids, and I have {expletive} stretch marks, and I {expletive} dare you, {expletive} dare you to do what I just did on the stage! So you better think about what you are saying the next time you want to comment on someone's body! {expletive} YOU! You {expletive, expletive} (The last word is one of my favorite swears of all time rarely used in the states, but it is probably considered the worst thing you can say to a girl ever! *blush* Censored version for my LDS mommy friends out there, it was said pretty loudly too) I reduced this twenty-two year old clueless girl to tears, which I feel TERRIBLE about! As a mom, I should be better and not fly off the handle like that, think of a better way to say it. I was filled with a rage for all moms and their struggles that I couldn't just let this roll off my duck back.

Then her friend comes up to me to try to explain her friend's stupidity...Saying that it was so cool that I would even get up there and play a show like that. The way she put this did not sit well with me at all. She called me insecure for being upset about it. I said how could an insecure person get on stage and do what I did. Doesn't make sense. This girl wouldn't lay off, she was totally setting herself up for a punch in the mouth. Ryan (best man ever) told her to get the {expletive} out or she was totally going to get messed up and she was two seconds away from hitting the floor and she totally was. She even had the gall to say that I wasn't open minded enough to here her side. BAHAHAHAHAHA! ME!

It wasn't about me though. People really can say what they want about me and the way I look. The thing that kills me with this mindset is, if you don't have kids or aren't close to someone who does, you have no idea and no right to comment on how it is to have children. When I heard that smack had been talked, I immediately felt that it was said about someone close to me and not really myself. Moms struggle so hard to weigh their personal lives against the care of and lives of their children. It is so hard for me to tuck my babies in and leave them with a sitter to go play a show. It is so hard for me to see my son get in his dad's car when it is time for him to go to his house for visitation. It is so hard to see your life and interests be split down the middle and then try to balance them with everything your kids are into.

To be a mother, adoptive or biological, you sacrifice EVERYTHING! You give up your body, time, sleep, food, drink, last bite of a cookie, you favorite stuffed animal, bed, pillow, intimacy, privacy, television time, and nearly every waking thought for your children. It is all done gladly and with a full heart of love. I am glad that I was ripped apart and sewn back together for my children, I wouldn't have it any other way. If I have a few scars, so be it. I created life! I know unconditional love. I am unconditional love from head to toe.

Mother's struggle with this crazy portrayed sense of what beauty is on a daily basis. So when I am out doing something that is completely for myself, but supported by my kids and family, it is incensing that someone could comment on how my body has been badly stretched out by those fantastically supportive people. I felt all the pain and insults that have been thrown at me over the years boil to the surface of my stretch marked skin and had to say a resounding FUCK YOU to all of those that are ignorant and themselves insecure. (Sorry not censored, because some times people need to hear what is coming to them)

My hope is that those girls will think before they try to speak on someone else's life and experiences before making assumptions and judgements. That someday they can know exactly how it feels to give your full self to a person and not expect anything in return, it is a beautiful thing. That they can understand it isn't about what it looks like, but how it feels. My hope is also that I never ever ever hear again, "Wow you look great for having three kids!" I look great because and feel great about myself and I work hard to have a healthy body, mind and soul, so that everyday I can get up and take care of those amazing kids.

All my Mommies, I love you and I stood up for us tonight. Without us, there would be no world. Let's teach people to not tear down what can create life. Start by teaching your babies what it is like to love like this and how wonderful it really is to be called MOM, no matter what you look like.


TAD said...

Much love, respect and admiration coming your way from Los Angeles, sis! Thanks for writing this and for being who you are. I'm so glad my niece and nephews have such great parents.

Brynn said...

I would have helped you beat that girl!;) I could have distracted her by showing her my stretch marks while you junk punched her ;) Every so often the world has to remind you "some people are idiots" and that your life is great!

Cadie said...

LOL Brynn's comment makes me laugh! :) You looked amazing last night! As usual. I couldn't stop watching you! I just have one word for that twit - karma! She is going to get the most heinous stretch marks someday!

Robin Conner said...

I was excited to see your blog after we became friends on facebook and I was privileged to read this post! Thank you for writing it! I now am pregnant with number 4, and I have all the glorious stretch marks to show I've been a mommy several times. And at times, you do feel bad, or ugly because of what the "media/public" says "looks good", but then you read something like your post and come back to reality and know how dang blessed we are to have had the opportunity to create life and go through this wonderful process. I'm sure that girl will never forget that night, I'm sure she does feel bad, and all too soon, she'll be a mommy with a not so beautiful body any longer and then she'll get it, but some things can't be "gotten" till you experience them. Thanks again. You are a beautiful person, mommy, and artist. I've always admired you and what you stand for! Way to go standing up for "mom-kind", you did great and you flaunt those baby stretch marks all you want, you look good regardless! ;) Have a happy new year!

Ramanda said...

You have a kick ass body and you have worked so hard to get it that way!I deeply admire you for being able to nuture yourself and you remind me to do things for MYSELF and that make ME happy so that I can be a better mom! It is too bad that that ignorant little girl was so petty and small. Thanks for taking one for the team!!!

And as for the censoring... I don't think you should have to censor you thoughts,emotions and the way you express them for your LDS friends, but with that being said, It just goes to show that you are very respectful and very thoughtful and I love you for that sensitivity you have for those around you!

Much love!

Mandy said...

You kick ASS!!! I love you. Rock on. My only complaint is that you DID censor this post!!!! ;) Thank you for giving birth to your beautiful kids. They are lucky to have such a cool mom. LOVE YOU!!!!