D-Fest Huh? What is that?

What is D-Fest or DeversaFest? Well, it is a festival and music conference that is put on every year in Tulsa, Oklahoma. There are a ton of bands performing on main stages and in the clubs of the Blue Dome District in Tulsa. During the day there are panels where industry people talk about all sorts of different things that are interesting to artists. They talk about licensing, how a record deal works, getting your music out there and whatnot. That part was extremely informative and we were all thankful for their information. We got into the festival through our radio promoters at Tinderbox Music.

So... We set out on our journey on Wednesday. Camden's parents came all the way from Florida to take care of the children while we were away. Our friend Mike Terry (photographer extraordinaire) came to take pictures of it for an article he is working on about us for the Deseret News. (I will let you know when it comes out). Saying goodbye to my babies was so very very difficult. I haven't been away from my kids very much, and knowing I wouldn't be able to snuggle them and take care of them for several days was so painful. But I did it. I know it was good for them to bond more with their grandparents, but for me it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I'm still healing that tear in my heart, even though I am home. I know I am crazy.

We were off. Camden, Ryan, Allison, Janet, Diane, Crystal and me. We didn't stop that much, because the night before I made fourteen sandwiches for the drive. We ate pretty healthy on the way down, we had plenty of snacks and Red Bull to keep the drivers going. We drove so long the first day. Made it all the way to Salina, Kansas. Diane works for the hotel chain where we stayed so we got two rooms for about sixty bucks for that night. Fantastic rooms too. It wasn't a very restful sleep but it was good to stop moving. We got up early the next day had our continental breakfast and we were back on the road. The van was pretty comfy for staying in it twenty hours total the way down. It is Ryan's and it has a DVD player and lots of room. We had Ryan's iPod too, but it was too loyal to him to play any of the music we gave him. I think he talked to it before we left, to tell it to only give us one or two songs, but to stick with the regulars. As a result we watched movies mostly. Cheeky iPod.

We wanted to make it to Tulsa pretty early so we would have time to eat, rest, get dressed and go to the opening party for the festival. We got there at about four o'clock on Thursday. We checked into our rooms at the Crown Plaza, a beautiful room, and headed out into the city. We walked down to McNellie's Pub for dinner. Camden and I shared a chicken wrap and it was soooooo good. After dinner we got dressed and headed down to the party.

The place where they had it was pretty cool. It was two bars, and an all ages club hooked together. It was a maze. We handed out a bunch of sample CDs and fliers that told people where we were playing at the festival. I didn't see anyone else doing this specifically, so we were creating a good buzz. Some people actually went to the website and checked us out. It was such a surprise to go up to people, hand them a CD and they would say, "Oh yeah I checked you guys out and was planning on seeing your show." We already were getting a positive response. Shocked! Most bands didn't have as many girls as we do, so we were quite interesting. Walking around I met Donita and Nate and they clued me into where the cool kids hang out at that particular club. Donita and Nate are dancers for a group called Recorder. Just the nicest people you could meet, so hospitable and funny. The dance club was called Cappella's. The Dj was so good, but no one was dancing. Wha??? The lighst were crazy and zooming all over no one. Lame. So I just had to dance. Janet and I were the only ones dancing and then five minutes later the floor was crowded. We danced until we were soaked. Janet and I took a break and the floor completely dispersed. It was funny. Then we came back and the crowd followed. We had dance floor super powers. Craziness. So after a fun night of networking and dancing Camden and I went back to the hotel for the night. The others came with us but after a pillow fight, and arm wrestling in the hotel room they were up for more. I don't know exactly what went on, but I know they were droopy in the morning.

The next day Camden and I went to panel and took tons of notes. So much good information and also conformation that everything we are doing we are doing it well, and right and we know our place and identity. We didn't do much besides the panels during the day. Camden and I were just trying to suck up all the information we could. But really there wasn't much to do in the area we were staying. Downtown Tulsa seems to be in a flux, there was a lot of construction going on. There isn't much shopping or food. We just ate at the hotel and McNellie's, and got souvenirs at a cute shop called Dwelling Spaces. It will be interesting to see what happens to Tulsa and where it is headed in the future.

On Saturday we hooked up with Jon Delange of Tinderbox Music, our radio promoter. Not only does he try to get us on the radio stations, but he has hooked us up with 9 licenses to different shows on cable. So someday we could hear ourselves on E! or Style. If you happen to hear it let me know. We signed the licenses and had a great conversation with him. He is really cool and impressive. He started out in recording, just like Camden. We laid low on Saturday because we had to play that night. I wanted to save all my energy for the show.

The Show.... We played at a club called The Continental. While we were walking down there, we walked by the VIP club and they were blasting our song, "Taste Like a Hurricane," the Dj got a CD the night before and played songs then too. It was a nice boost before we played. We got there at around 7:30pm to load all of our stuff in and relax for a bit. We were to play at 9pm. The stage looked so small and no one was there. I was thinking it was just going to be one of those shows. I really didn't know what to expect from Tulsa, I thought it was going to be similar to Salt Lake, but boy was I wrong.

While we were setting up our stuff, (mind you this was only about ten or fifteen minutes) the club started to overflow with people. We were sound checking and the people were pushed up right against the stage. We saw eight industry panelist in the crowd, we had given some of them CDs and they said they were going to come check out our live show, and THEY ACTUALLY DID!!! Not only was that great, but the people we met at the parties came too. It was such a departure from Salt Lake, a lot of people here say they are going to come down, and you look for them, but they don't. They get busy I guess, and that is cool. It was nice that people set aside time to see us. We ROCK IT!!! We played so tight and our energy was so high. Every eye in the crowd was on us when we played. The crowd danced and we interacted. When we played our last song ("Taste...") the crowd cheered like they had heard it a hundred times and were just waiting for us to play "their" song. It was rad! Ryan actually got sponsored by a drum company after we played. He is getting a free kit to play on, HE GOT SPONSORED by Po' Boy Drums! He was so good. I heard the people in the front just going off about Janet, saying how sexy it was a that girl played bass. Allison and I danced together and audience loved it. Camden screamed and danced and caught eyes with every girl there. He was so on it. The show was so easy to play because the crowd was hanging on every note. They screamed for more when we were done. After the show I picked up so many business card, met so many nice people, and took pictures with a bunch of them. It was great and felt so good. I was pretty depressed the whole time we were gone, because I was away from my babies. I tried hard not to let it show and just went on with the day, but the show was a good release of pent up energy. I loved it, and I sang pretty well, if I do say so myself. We hung out with the Tulsa peeps after the show and it was great. They really cared about us and wanted to get to know us.

It was hard to get to sleep. We set off the next morning for Denver to stay a night with Camden's aunt Loree. They have a beautiful home, we could have moved in their basement and they wouldn't even have known. It was so nice to eat real food again and feel like I was getting some nourishment. We had a restful sleep that night because we were so close to home.

Monday was my birthday. We started the day with getting Starbucks. That was actually the first time I had ever gotten a drink from Starbucks, so I took a picture. Geek, I know, but there are so many good local coffee shops here I have never wanted to go to a chain. Blah. Long drive and then we made it home at about 5pm. It was beyond elation to see my children. My Elodie just hooked on too me like a monkey. Joaquin grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. They had so much fun with their grandparents. I swear they grew in the five days we were gone. We unloaded and Cam's mom made dinner. Monro baked a cake for me, lemon with cream cheese icing. Sooooo goood. It was soooo good to be home. When I check our myspace page, we had 5 pages of friend request, YES I SAID 5! Three fourths were from Tulsa. They liked us they really really liked us! That has never happened after a SLC show. Maybe we are taken for granted here? Who knows?

Thank you Tulsa, D-Fest, Julee and Allen, Elodie, Joaquin, Monro, Kelli, Boone, Sky, Steele, Rick and pets, everyone that came to our shows this past year, Diane, Crystal, Allison, Ryan, Janet and my Camden for making this trip possible. We are opening for The Faint on Wednesday at In the Venue, so if you get a chance come on by and see us. Say hi, I like meeting people.
~Cheers~

Daddy and Elsa Visit Utah!

My dad got married to Elsa in Peru I think in 2005, I know that it was around Christmas time.  It took nearly three years of cutting through immigration red tape to get her to the United States.  It was very expensive and complicated, but well worth it. 

They came to Utah for an all too quick visit.  She has never met anyone so it was very exciting and emotional.  Elsa doesn't have kids of her own so we are her's now.  My kids are so lucky to have another Grandma in their lives to love, cuddle, and teach them things.  So many grandmas, it is hard to keep track.  

They came last weekend.  We were playing that night at the Art's Festival, I asked them if they wanted to come to our show to see us perform.  I was answered with a unison "NO, we will stay with the babies!"  So I cancelled the babysitter and my dad and Elsa stayed home with the kids; mine and Denson's. They all had so much fun.  My dad's heart is so full of love for his grandkids, it is really great to see.  We were so sad to see them leave.  I cried all night.  We hope to see them next summer when we can plan a long restful visit to Illinois.  Until then pics back and forth will have to do.  Boo. 

The Frustration is UNFATHOMABLE! (said with great anger and lots of spit)

I wish there was some magic bank account that mom's could dip into when their babies were really in need.  A universal well that we all donate to, so that when a baby really needs help the cash is there.  Not for candy, toys, or a cute outfit for some wayside occasion, but for their health and well being.  

You would think this was our paid private insurance, but sadly no.  The money that my husband gives (I say "gives", because the word "pays" implies some sort of service is exchanged and that hasn't really been happenin') to the insurance company every month only covers certain things at certain times and will only give you those services if you give the cute girl guarding the pen bouquet pot twenty more fucking dollars.  (Yeah I said the f-word, wassup?  Pissed here, real reason to swear).  Private insurance can bite my ASS!  It doesn't work for poor patients, it doesn't work for employees, it DOESN'T work!  I don't understand why we should have to pay through the nose for something that I don't get to access.  My little ultrasound I had the other day, that found nothing (thank goodness), and the girl belittled me and insulted my intelligence, cost us a pretty penny of $189.48 that we don't have!  Nice huh?

But I digress, the real reason I am pissed is because I have been doing research on a new therapy method that could help Elodie and it is not covered my insurance.  One of the practitioners of this method, lives so close to us, and does one on one sessions with children charges $150.00 for a half hour! GAH!  There is no way we can afford that, and she would need several sessions.  ARGH!  It is very upsetting.

The method is called Anat Baniel Method of Feldenkrais.  It has been proven to help all sorts of disorders and such.  You should Google it, it is pretty interesting stuff.  I could use it to ease my frustrations right about now.  I have found a studio downtown that practices Feldenkrais, but not this particular method.  I am not sure yet if there is much of a difference other than she (Anat Baniel) focuses on disabilities and disorders.  I don't know yet if the other studio works with kids either.  I have emailed them to see.

But really....  Blah, blah, blah whatever.  I just want someone to help me teach my baby to walk. That is all I want in this world or any other, and if she won't ever be able to... That is fine, I would just like to be able try everything, everything I possibly can to help her and my sanity!

Senator Obama?  Can you make that magic momma bank account for all the mom's out there that really need help for their babies?  I hope you can!  Oh and stop the war, and bring our troops home.  What a job your gonna have, dude you are brave. 

Past, Present, Future....

I was thinking today that I should update the blog for all of my faithful readers.  ; )  But I always check in on my friends when I do and came across Mandy's blog.  She is an awesome blogger. She updates all the time.  She has great pictures and funny stories that remind me of when I was living in Vernal and being a kid.  She was tagged to do a "survey" of the past, present, and future. Once you read it your tagged.  So if you have a blog you have to do this too and tell me so I can read yours.  Here it goes.

20 Years Ago.....

1. I was almost nine and we were living in West Valley getting ready to move to Palo Alto, California.  We only stayed about a year and a few months in both places.  West Valley was really awful for me.  I didn't have many friends and was terrorized by this evil neighbor kid.  We were pretty unsupervised, as usual, but being in West Valley I was exposed to really horrible stuff at a very early age.

2. I was really depressed kid.  My brother was an angry kid and took it out on me a lot.  My aunt lived with us.  We had dogs, Snuggles, Binky and Beau Jeau.  My mom had a terrible boyfriend that I hated.  I missed my grandparents a lot.

3. I started to read actual books.  I loved the Baby Sitter's Club series, Anne of Green Gables and anything by Judy Bloom.  I am so glad I found reading at this time.  I would have been a lost kid with out it.  I also loved to write stories and wanted to become a writer when I grew up.  My other aunt Narvene taught me how to crochet.  *Hugs,* three of my favorite things were discovered at this time. 

10 Years Ago...

1. I was working as a photographer for Kiddy Kandids and Volume (the school portrait division).  This time of year, I would have been starting on the Senior portraits and working in the studio.  I was LOADED!  No one that young should make that much money.  I had no bills, except for my car and made about $25-$35 dollars an hour.  Sigh.

2. I was living with Matt Farnsworth in my first apartment on 5oo East.  It was such a weird place.  The tenants below us would blare 50's pop all stinking day and night.  So I would sing opera really loudly in the shower.  

3. I met Monro's dad.

Camden and I eloping in our So. Temple apartment February 2003

5 Years Ago...

1. I was recently married to the man I was supposed to marry all along, Camden.  We were living in our apartment on South Temple.  Our neighbors were Alex and Eric and we would have dinner parties all the time.

2. My Monro was three and hated me.  He didn't have the terrible twos, he had the terrible threes.  He was so evil at times.

3. I just started esthetics school.  I was working at IHC before that and was sick of wasting away in that office.  I had three surgeries that year and needed to have more fun and support.  I had to quit that awful office job.

3 Years Ago...

1.  I was just barely pregnant with our Joaquin.  We had just moved into this house in Holladay. Camden's studio was up and running and I was working in my esthetics room out of our house and Akasha.  In July we would take our first real vacation together, to Oregon to see the waterfalls.  It was kind of our belated honeymoon.

2. Monro was getting ready to start kindergarten at Morningside.  He was doing well with moving into the new house, but me being pregnant was hard for him.  He thought he would be replaced because he was/is only here half the time.  I started the ridiculously hard and expensive process of trying to get full custody of him.  One of the biggest regrets of my life, it caused such heart ache for Camden and me.  

3. I was painting the living room three different colors.  Ugh.  It was so hard.  I repainted it taupe last summer.  The colors were too dark in the end.

Elodie on her birthday.  We tried to get the NICU to give us this blanket, but they wouldn't.  She's our little Valentine.

1 Year Ago...

1. Welcome Elodie!  She was a little over a month old and cute as ever!

2. Joaquin was walking, talking and getting into everything.  Somethings don't change.  Monro had just finished the first grade and was still in karate.

3. Camden and I were so happy that our little family was complete, we got our girl.  He was about to play the Art's Festival with Cavedoll.  Back then it was just JanetMarie, him and the video.    

Camden and Janet playing the Art's Festival last year.

So Far This Year...

1. Camden got a great job working for Albion Financial.  The people he works with are so fun. He added Allison, Ryan and me to the live line up of Cavedoll and we have been playing like crazy.  He released 15 albums this year.  New stuff and old stuff.  Hopefully he can stop for a bit now, but who knows if he can exhibit that sort of restraint.

2. I have tried my best at being Mommy of the Year.  Only achieving this title in my own home. They all don't know any better.  Their just kids.  

3. Monro is going into the THRID grade!  Joaquin is Mr. Mischief and Elodie is my angel face. They are all pretty cheerful and well adjusted kids.  But I wish Joaquin would stop the screaming thing!  Does my head in, it does!

Yesterday...

1. During the day we didn't do much.  I crocheted, the kids played, Elodie and I did her therapy, and I shared a popsicle with Joaquin.

2. Camden came home and love was returned to my heart.  It is a special time.  I went to the store with Joaquin to grab something for dinner.  Frozen pizza, see I did say "Mom of the Year."  

3. Then we had band practice.  It was a good practice, but the best thing that happened yesterday....SHOES!  Allison got some free designer shoes from a friend and since we are the same size, she was generous enough to share the wealth!  They are beautiful and I am so grateful.  I normally just get Converse and Payless, so this was a crazy treat.  They are so beautiful!

Today...

1. Well not much has gone on today since it is still early in the day.  

2. Joaquin woke up with puffy eyes.  He has allergies so I gave him some meds and he watched a movie cuddled on the couch in my shawl.  He is now taking a nap because he is all drugged up. Monro is downstairs listening to Harry Potter books on CD and Elodie is playing on her new play rug.

3. I'm still in my jamas and when I am done with this I will do my daily yoga and then get cute. Not sure what to wear today.  I will crochet, of course, and create.  I hope to finish a present I am making.  I hope to spend sometime with my busy husband.  I want a date, damn it!

Tomorrow...

1. More cleaning and feeding of babies.

2. Shopping for groceries.

3. BBQ at Ryan and Kelli's.  They have an amazing yard that is like a kid paradise.  Tramp, bikes, basketball court, lots of soft green grass to roll in, and tons of fun kids to play with.  For the grown ups there is a huge grill, lovely deck with comfy chairs, a fire and great company.  It will be so fun.  Our friends and their kids have been such an asset to our lives.

Next Year...

1. We don't have any set plans really.  So I can only speculate.

2. Elodie will be walking and she will begin her preparation for the New York Ballet.  Joaquin will be three and starting his second major label release.  Monro will be nine and starting his first novel all about dragons and kung fu.

3. Camden and I will still be in love and hopefully he will learn to take more time to smell the roses.  I don't know where I will be or what I will be doing.  I have so many ideas.  I have thought about going back to school, (yes, again) to get my nursing degree officially, or to do a yoga instructors' course.  I'm not sure.  I do know that if I go, I'm going to need a lot of help and support and all of that isn't in place.  I would fail ridiculously if my babies weren't cared for or if we have to put them in daycare.  I feel that this time before the kids go to school is my cocoon phase.  I need to use this time to figure out what I'm going to do with myself once my babies are all off being big kids.  Hooray FUTURE!

So yeah....TAG YOU'RE IT!!!

The Elodie Sessions 2

Elodie had another physical therapy session yesterday.  She did so well.  It is really amazing how quickly she is learning.  Elodie even learned a new skill.  She now can change position from laying flat on her back, to sitting on her bum.  Woo-hoo, this is huge!  She bounced on the yoga ball, reached way up high for toys, and did some tall kneeling.  All of these "play" exercises will help her strengthen her back and abdomen and will help her eventually engage her legs.  

Emily suggested we get some orthopedic shorts called "hipsters," they have a webbing in between the legs.  These things are designed to keep baby's legs from doing the "W" sit.  Which is when the kid sits with their legs bent underneath them, but instead of the feet being tucked in under their bum, the feet point outward toward the side.  This kind of sitting is not good for Elodie's hips and could cause her to have a wide staggered walk, when she does eventually start walking.  So immediately when we were finished with the session I went online to look for the shorts.

I couldn't find them anywhere on the web, but I did find something I think will work way better.  They are called Happy Straps.  They are like the shorts in that they will help keep Elodie's legs from splaying out to the side, but they are like a belt and can go over or under her clothes.  I think these will be much easier to deal with then the shorts.  The shorts I guess are made of neoprene and we do early potty training with Elodie, so there would be no easy on and off.  Anyone that has put tights on a baby knows what a fight that is.  I can't even imagine dealing with that everyday!  No thanks!  The Happy Straps just unsnap and drop.  Bam, baby on potty!

The woman that invented the Happy Straps invented them for her son who has hypotonia, after not being able to find something that worked to tuck his legs into the right position.  She got the short thingies and they proved to be an easy match for her son.  While wearing them he still could do the "W" sit.  He started wearing her invention and now he runs, jumps, and tumbles just like any other little boy.  Her name is Janet and she herself emailed me when I had some questions.  How great is that?  She had a genuine interest in Elodie and her condition.  Happy Straps has great costumer service, she even dropped me a line when the straps shipped out today!  I can't wait to get them and try them out on Elodie.  She will probably hate them at first, because they won't let her move in the incorrect way she is used to.  She will adapt, she is a fighter!

Elodie's therapist Emily is going to be moving on to a new job with the Primary Children's group, so we are going to get a new person soon.  I hope that Elodie takes to her new therapist as well as she did Emily.  But my girl likes to meet new people and isn't that shy.  Elodie is moving like crazy all over the floor and has such a need to get up and explore.  It is great to see. Keep sending her good vibes, she will keep improving, and I will keep updating.  I am so stinking proud of her!   

Attack of the Lady Bits!!!

This just seems like the most frustrating thing.  Why do women's sexual organs start to attack their host?  I have been having this pain on my right side for about two weeks and it has finally become unbearable.  I went to the see the nurse practitioner this morning.  My regular doctor is on maternity leave.  The nurse practitioner is named Paulette and was a total glamazon, I loved her, styling from head to toe.  You could take bad news from a girl like her, you'd be so distracted by her cute capris and boots to care.  I didn't get any bad news really, but I did have to go in for an ultrasound.

So I went back to the hospital for an ultrasound later this afternoon.  This all turned out sucky for me.  First thing, I had to have a full bladder.  My lady friends know how bad this, they push and glide the wand over your full bladder and it takes every ounce of strength not to pee everywhere.  Second thing, my bladder wasn't full enough, so the tech had to use the other wand, the internal wand yuk!  The technician was so upset and exasperated by this, frankly so was I.  How do you know how full your bladder is?  If you have too pee, then it should seem good enough, right?  It never is, it's never simple.  Third thing, the technician was rude.  She was kind of annoyed about my abdominal plasty scar.  Saying that the reason I was having this pain was because of scar tissue that could be forming around the scar.  Yeah, that could happen, but I know that is not what is happening!  I had my surgery months ago and have been healed for months.  This pain just started two weeks ago.  It was as if she was judging me because of getting plastic surgery.  I wanted to yell at her, "Look you aren't a doctor, you have no idea when I had my surgery, and you have no idea what I am feeling!  So keep your uneducated diagnosis to yourself."  I didn't of course because I am a wimp, but I did say, "I would prefer to hear what the doctor has to say, thanks."  People need to perform their work correctly and speak within the scope of their license.  An ultrasound technician license does not make you a junior radiologist!  It just doesn't!

So yeah that was my crap day.  I think my ovary is attacking me and I got attitude from the ultasound technician.  Uh!  I won't know what is up with me until tomorrow.  But I don't think it is anything serious.  Probably just a cyst, I have had them before.  I don't know why women have to deal with this stuff all the time.  Cramps, blood, moods, cysts, babies, water weight enough all ready!  Just be chill lady bits, please!    

Once Upon a Time...

Me @ 17-------------------------------------------->
I watched a great movie the other night.  "Into the Wild,"  it is a book, and I can't wait to read it.  I usually read the books first and then have lots to complain about when I see the movie.  It reminded me of a person I used to be ten years ago.  Before babies, jobs, school, divorce, pain and love.  I was an immensely confident person, cocky at times, but with that came fearlessness.  I was so not shy.  I would laugh loud and sing out whatever song was stuck in my head.  I would wear ballet costumes to the grocery store and see how many flowers I could fit in my hair.  I would hardly wear make-up and had no concerns if I looked gorgeous with or without it.  I had no fear of dirt or natural water and didn't mind if I got a stain on my shirt.  I made or altered all my clothes, and in my junior year rarely wore the same thing twice.  I was a bohemia girl, a classy type of hippy.  I loved people truly and deeply without the fear of getting a big fat fuck you when I needed some love or help.  I danced, I sang, I acted, I screamed, I called people to hang out, I looked for ways to push myself and push I did.  Maybe too far, to the point I guess where I craved a closed mouth.

I was big in spirit and then something happened.  I became domesticated.  I have been trained so to speak, to not speak.  I have given in to what is liked and not liked.  I have lived for awhile, to some extent, to please and not to be pleased.  I feel as if I have to watch my words, watch myself and not be that big spirit that is hiding.  I love my life.  I know right now it doesn't sound pleasant, but it really is!  I have loved being there for my hubby and kids and don't plan on changing that whatsoever.  I just feel I have given in a lot to my husband and kids like a lot of women do.  I am not very fussy and giving is in my nature.  I would much rather make people happy then get my way.

But being this way I have recently noticed it has caused a great deal of self doubt and insecurity that I never had before.  I question myself all the time and feel like a dork for being expressive. I really used to fight against this as a kid, but forgot how.  Just as an example, the other night we played a show and I went crazy.  I dance, sang, shouted, acted, pretended, became the girl I once was....but afterward I felt so LAME!  I felt that I was far too over the top, because when I see bands I just see boys stand and play.  They are rarely shaking it at all, and never show their underwear, yeah, I kinda showed my underwear.  Our last drummer kinda pick on my about talking too much to the audience and that I needed to take things more seriously.   So that seed of insecurity was planted.  When I let loose I feel like I will disappoint people.  Friday I got so much positive feedback, but still on the way home I was beating myself up.  Ugh.  I hate this feeling.  I hate feeling censored all the time.   But sometimes, I think it is too far to turn back and find that girl that wore tutus to Wal-Mart and couldn't have cared less.

This is my personal struggle that I am trying hard to overcome.  If anyone out there feels the same thing and is having the same inner fight I would love to hear what you are doing to conquer it.  I am entering a time of spiritual growth and plan to not compromise that very much.  She has had too much pruning as it is.