Sunday, September 20, 2009

It has been a year...

On September 3rd of this year Elodie was getting casts done for new braces, last year she was having a biopsy of her tumor. It is amazing that it has only been a year. It seems like an eternity, because of everything that has happened since then. I have been particularly sensitive to all of this lately. I guess it has to do with me coming off my antidepressants and the thought of where I was a year ago. Standing over my little lady in a hospital crib, waiting, and waiting, and waiting to hear the most beautiful word in the English language...benign. I did hear it (thank the lord) and had everyone repeat it to me, so it could forever sing in my mind that she was going to be fine. She will get those new braces on Friday.

She is so fine. She is hilarious and loving. I think she is really good at making all of us feel loved by her. She cuddles and compliments and tries to get everyone to smile. She can use her walker like a champ now and she is getting bigger braces. The other ones, pinch her cubby little legs. While waiting for the new ones, we have been working on more abdomen exercises to help stabilizer her so she isn't relying so much on her hands. It all depends on the day if she is willing to not use her hands. I know she can sit and kneel without them, I have seen it. When she is tired she cheats and puts her hand down.

We haven't any news on the wheelchair. I have no idea what is going on there. I think I haven't investigated it, because I am tired and I am also just nervous about it all. My emotions on the subject run kinda high. I know I need to tone it down and have a better sense of humor about my daughter being in a wheelchair (or whatever), but it is hard. I have to stop trying to be the champion of the world and just be the champion for my daughter. I am doing my best. But I need better skills, I have no idea where to go for help on the subject. I don't know what I would do if she was made fun of for it, I would be crushed. I need to be stronger, as strong as she is. I am so glad that child was born with a natural wit, and smart-assness that could go up against most adults. She is too stubborn and tenacious not to completely conquer the world.

I need to breathe, deep, deep breaths. Maybe I should quit worrying about where she will be fine and turn it in on myself. Vanessa will be fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. This must be how Sally Field feels in all of her movies. She always has one of those frantic "I'm okay going insane" speeches and things work out okay.....even if she does pick up a few more personalities along the way. Oh...boy.