Step back in the Evolution, Step forward for Mom Kind...

I just finished playing my show and I couldn't sleep or even calm down from what transpired there tonight. I had to write to get a sense of peace within me. Usually this wild energy is a good thing; more glasses are raised, hugs are given, happiness is abounding, but tonight was sorely not the case.

We rocked it! It was a great show. There were tons of people there, a lot of which I had been hoping to see for a long time. The crowd was into it and totally dancing and every thing. We finished and I get off stage to hug my Jennifer, and I hear that a girl was pointing out my stretch marks to people while I was tearing the roof off the dive. (I wore a black tank, with a sparkly silver cardigan over it, so while dancing my tank would creep up a bit to show my stretch marks like a half an inch at the most) "WHAT?!?" Was my first response and then, "Oh hell no..." came next.

I was possessed by such anger and disgust. There was no way in my mind I was going to let a person walk out of that bar thinking that they could totally down play everything I had just done on that stage, just because I carried and gave birth to three beautiful kids. I found the girl and promptly said, "Hey, heard you were pointing my stretch marks out to your friends while I was singing. Yeah, I have three {expletive} kids, and I have {expletive} stretch marks, and I {expletive} dare you, {expletive} dare you to do what I just did on the stage! So you better think about what you are saying the next time you want to comment on someone's body! {expletive} YOU! You {expletive, expletive} (The last word is one of my favorite swears of all time rarely used in the states, but it is probably considered the worst thing you can say to a girl ever! *blush* Censored version for my LDS mommy friends out there, it was said pretty loudly too) I reduced this twenty-two year old clueless girl to tears, which I feel TERRIBLE about! As a mom, I should be better and not fly off the handle like that, think of a better way to say it. I was filled with a rage for all moms and their struggles that I couldn't just let this roll off my duck back.

Then her friend comes up to me to try to explain her friend's stupidity...Saying that it was so cool that I would even get up there and play a show like that. The way she put this did not sit well with me at all. She called me insecure for being upset about it. I said how could an insecure person get on stage and do what I did. Doesn't make sense. This girl wouldn't lay off, she was totally setting herself up for a punch in the mouth. Ryan (best man ever) told her to get the {expletive} out or she was totally going to get messed up and she was two seconds away from hitting the floor and she totally was. She even had the gall to say that I wasn't open minded enough to here her side. BAHAHAHAHAHA! ME!

It wasn't about me though. People really can say what they want about me and the way I look. The thing that kills me with this mindset is, if you don't have kids or aren't close to someone who does, you have no idea and no right to comment on how it is to have children. When I heard that smack had been talked, I immediately felt that it was said about someone close to me and not really myself. Moms struggle so hard to weigh their personal lives against the care of and lives of their children. It is so hard for me to tuck my babies in and leave them with a sitter to go play a show. It is so hard for me to see my son get in his dad's car when it is time for him to go to his house for visitation. It is so hard to see your life and interests be split down the middle and then try to balance them with everything your kids are into.

To be a mother, adoptive or biological, you sacrifice EVERYTHING! You give up your body, time, sleep, food, drink, last bite of a cookie, you favorite stuffed animal, bed, pillow, intimacy, privacy, television time, and nearly every waking thought for your children. It is all done gladly and with a full heart of love. I am glad that I was ripped apart and sewn back together for my children, I wouldn't have it any other way. If I have a few scars, so be it. I created life! I know unconditional love. I am unconditional love from head to toe.

Mother's struggle with this crazy portrayed sense of what beauty is on a daily basis. So when I am out doing something that is completely for myself, but supported by my kids and family, it is incensing that someone could comment on how my body has been badly stretched out by those fantastically supportive people. I felt all the pain and insults that have been thrown at me over the years boil to the surface of my stretch marked skin and had to say a resounding FUCK YOU to all of those that are ignorant and themselves insecure. (Sorry not censored, because some times people need to hear what is coming to them)

My hope is that those girls will think before they try to speak on someone else's life and experiences before making assumptions and judgements. That someday they can know exactly how it feels to give your full self to a person and not expect anything in return, it is a beautiful thing. That they can understand it isn't about what it looks like, but how it feels. My hope is also that I never ever ever hear again, "Wow you look great for having three kids!" I look great because and feel great about myself and I work hard to have a healthy body, mind and soul, so that everyday I can get up and take care of those amazing kids.

All my Mommies, I love you and I stood up for us tonight. Without us, there would be no world. Let's teach people to not tear down what can create life. Start by teaching your babies what it is like to love like this and how wonderful it really is to be called MOM, no matter what you look like.

Open? Us? I think I'm gonna FAINT!

We opened for The Faint last Wednesday and here is how it went down...

Before we left for Tulsa, Camden got an email from the concert promoter asking if we could be the opener for this particular show. Camden having his wits about him, immediately replied with a "yes." We still have no idea how they found us and why they chose us to do this show. This was a rare opportunity and frankly the icing on the Tulsa cake. Tulsa was so great, I would have been happy if we were to never play again, it would have been the biggest high note to go out on, but we had to make the week completely memorable by kicking ass with a welcome home show in the SLC. So that is exactly what we did and the crowd did not disappoint.

I arrived at around 8:00pm, I had to wait for our ultra hip and super nice sitter Jane Anne before I could hit 'da club. In the Venue is completely different from the last time I was there, which was years ago. New lights, new big stage, new grope-y security crew of which I was not fond. They also had these huge metal barriers that looked like something a rancher would use to inclose cattle. These were used to inclose our lovely audience and keep them away from the stage. Pleasant. The security and stage crew, assemble and shifted, took apart and wheeled around the different pieces of the barriers for a good 30 minutes. We grabbed our gear and took it outside. Ally's keyboard almost tipped completely over in this whole ballet of the barriers. Like I said, pleasant. The Faint were sound checking at this time. They sounded great and filled the crazy open space with such funky good times, we forgot about the crew.

After a quick visit to the upstairs bar where we met Yoseph, a six foot whatever fan and hunk o' sweetness that bought us shots, it was our turn to sound check. We had to set up our stuff in front of The Faint's gear, so the huge stage was tailored down quite a bit. It was relatively the same size as the stage in Tulsa, tiny. So much for a big stage. The sound people couldn't get my mic to work, some sort of cross feed problem, I don't know? So we were still checking when they let all the shining lovable SLC kids into the show. We were up there it seemed like forever, but I was striking up conversations with the cool kids down front. One guy asked me, "Do you feel uncomfortable with all of us staring at you while you sound check?" I replied, "No, do you feel uncomfortable with everyone staring at you 'cause you are talking to me?" He went a little red, then we geeked out about music for a bit, it was rad. Finally the mic worked and we got on with the check, we checked with "Full of Awe," and the crowd even cheered for that. Nice bunch a flowers they were.

I sprayed my throat with my Thayers and then on with the show. The sound was so great, we just flooded the place with our music. It was an awesome set, a bunch of the hits. It was pretty short though only 30 minutes. Meh. It was good to just give the people a taste of sugar and then move on, hopefully we made some fans so they will come see us when we play longer. I faked an orgasm during "Mexico" and mimed a BJ on "On and On," yep good thinking with those antics Kness for the all ages show. Gah. Sometimes people wonder if it is hard to play the same songs for people all the time, and yes, sometimes it is. That is when things like the fore mentioned happen. What can I say, I was still out of it from the drive. ??? I guess people found it pleasing. They clapped along to "Full of Awe," and totally lost their minds during "Taste like a Hurricane." We got a fabulous response. Which is something you hope for when you are opening for a major player like The Faint. Janet scared me to death, because I look over and she was playing in the middle of a puddle. She had knocked her bottle of water over. I was so worried she was going to get shocked. It was all okay, nothing shocking,and she played beautifully even in a puddle of water. I went upstairs after the show to meet people and to see Yoseph again, he bought me another shot, sweet guy. I shouted out to him on the mic during our set and dedicated "Mexico" to him for his generosity. Went back downstairs before I left where I was promptly groped my the security guard. He had no idea that I was just on stage a few minutes before and searched my tiny purse. It can barely hold lipstick it is so small, derp. I had to leave early to relieve the sitter, so I missed The Faint. Heard it was good though. I got a stupid parking ticket for parking like everyone else. Argh. All of the snags aside it was a fun show and an amazing audience. They were really dancing hard, hope they saved something for The Faint. Hehehe.

The thing that was really surprising about this show was the response I particularly got from girls. All the girls I met (and have met lately) were so nice and complementary. When I was in school, I was every play and musical that was put on in my little town, some girls HATED me! And they were mean about it too, spreading rumors, kicking my chair in choir, saying my voice sucked what have you. They hated me because I could sing, dance, say lines, stand in front of a camera and smile and I wasn't afraid to do any of those things, even when I knew they were going to be mean. I have always been able to get up on stage and do something. But for some reason when I was a kid, this bothered some mean girls. I was never a "show off" about singing. I was the same then as I am now when I perform, it is just something I do and I'm grateful people like it when I do it. Now people are nice about me performing for them, want me to do it and that is the biggest gift I have ever received. People now appreciate me for this part of myself that was forsaken for so long. I want people to know that this performing thing is not who I am it is just something I do, it is my job. The cool thing about this job it the instant gratification that comes with it and meeting new people. I love meeting new people and geeking out about music.

Come geek out with me this Friday at Kilby Court doors open at seven, I think. It is an earlier show and all ages this time too, and I will try hard to behave myself. I will be there shortly after seven, gotta wait for the sitter.

So this is MY blog

Since my son Joaquin was born I have been sending out a picture emails with updates on our family and the every day events we experience.  I decided that I should start doing my updates here on the web for more than just my email list to see and experience.  We have friends and family all over the globe now.

Ta-da!  A blog is born.  I was blogging for Camden on the Cavedoll blog, but I think that is better left an MP3 blog.  Here I will have my hilarious ramblings that make me so unique and lovable and I can say whatever I like!  HAHAHA!

So subscribe, send this link to other friends and family, pass it around to all who are near and far. The content will be much the same as my picture emails.  I will probably post more here, because I don't usually  send out too many emails.  I don't like to bug people.  It is clearly your choice to tune in and see your favorite family The Chamberlains (or Chambanguones all 3 last names combine, wah!).  Send me a link to your blog or website and I will post it to my "Lovely Links."

I hope you read along and comment often and create a blog for your own family if you haven't.  Loves to all! ~Knessa~